I have been struggling with a personal dilemma about honesty. So I am throwing it out to you. Is honesty the best policy? I am not referring to the honesty that we have with ourselves. To me, if we cannot be honest with ourselves how can we possibly be honest with those around us?
There are some very critical traits we must all possess and carry out when it comes to nurturing healthy relationships. Whether that relationship is with a spouse, family member or your best friend those traits should never waiver. Respect, trust and honesty are crucial qualities that create a strong foundation for any relationship to grow and flourish. So then what do you do when you see someone you love continue to dwell in their pain and you know this lingering is preventing them from being able to move forward? Do you continue to let them drown in their misery or do you make a stand and throw out a life preserver because you want to get them back to drier land?
I know for many of us we struggle with the decision on what role do we play when we want to help someone find their way back. We review the kind of support we have given thus far to the one in need and see that this approach is not helping them. We decide that perhaps a tougher and very honest way might be the method to finally get our loved one’s attention. Here is where the struggle within us begins. Will this person accept and see that your honesty is being given because of how much you care or will the delivery of the honest truth only add more pain to their all-ready damaged spirit?
In reviewing my choice to take the tougher approach to help my wounded friend, I regret that this one incident was the beginning of the end for what was once a beautiful relationship. I have lost many sleepless nights over the disintegration of this friendship, but if I had to do it all over again I would not change a thing. True and loving honesty is both good and bad. We are not being true to ourselves, and to those we love, if all we ever say is only the good and hold back the bad and sometimes, the ugly. When we are lovingly honest with each other our hope is that it will lead to goodness. Honest(y) to goodness!
Tags: Choices, Friends/Family, Integrity, Love, Respect
Great article and great question Kim.
The question I ask myself is -Is this the Truth or is it just my perception? In my past, I have often told the ‘truth’ to people and like you, lost sleep over it. The fact that I lost sleep over it tells me that I did not do something that was congruent to who I want to be.
I have learned that I would rather be someone’s friend than to be ‘right’ about something. Many people stand up and say “I just need to tell my Truth!” And yes I agree, but your Truth is about You…. not about me.
Respectfully
Trisha
Trisha,
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me (and others). I appreciate you sharing your past experiences with the importance of honesty in relationships. Please feel free to come back, comment and share some more of your insights. We can always learn from each other.
Gratefully, Kim
Truth or perception? it can only be true for you but if said with the best intention and said from a place that you are being honest with your own feelings and not to make someone else intentionally feel bad, then it is up to them what they do with their truth. I remember saying to my mother before she passed away recently. Her version of how she grew up was different to her siblings – the cause of such heartache because they did not accept each others perception or truth.
I have felt the need to speak my truth at times and it does hurt sometimes , not only the other person but myself. Ultimately i am responsible for my own feelings and judgement as are others. It is not about being right but about being true to yourself.
I cannot compromise on honesty if it is for what i believe are the right reasons. It is called integrity.
much lovexxx
“When you have a choice
whether to be right
or to be kind
choose to be kind.”
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
Dr. Dyer…ROCKS! Thanks for sharing Joe.
I don’t believe that there is a right or wrong answer to this question. I think that it depends on the situation. I believe that there is a time and a place to be honest and a time when you need to keep quiet.
But I also believe that sometimes it is not necessarily the truth that hurts people, it is the way in which the truth is delivered. Far to often we forget that our tone or our body actions can do more harm than our actual words.
You are absolutely right Jane. So a warning to those of us who find ourselves struggling whether or not to be honest when someone says, “please be honest with me.” Perhaps its best not to say anything at all. Always love to hear back from others. Thank you for taking the time to share your important views to this question.